Hospice Care Focus: Care for the Caregiver

When a loved one has a serious illness, the patient isn't the only one who needs care. If you are a primary caregiver for a parent, spouse or other person with an incurable condition, your own emotional and physical well-being are also important. Only by taking good care of yourself will you be able to best care for your loved one.

 Some caregivers experience some of these feelings:

• Worry or doubt about the quality of the care they are providing.
• Guilt that they are not doing enough.
• Confusion about where to turn for help.
• A sense of loss because the person they love has changed so much.
• Physical fatigue and depression.

Any of these common responses, either alone or in combination, can lead to a sense of being overwhelmed. It is also important to be alert to signs of caregiver exhaustion:

• Feeling drained of time and energy.
• Loss of sleep.
• Bottled-up feelings of anger or frustration.
• Feeling trapped.
• Being reluctant to seek outside help.
• Being focused excessively on caregiving.

Avoiding Caregiver Exhaustion

Small things you do for yourself can make a big difference. Here are some suggestions from hospice workers:

Keep to your routine as much as you can. If you're used to stretching and walking in place for half an hour each morning, stick to that routine every morning you can. Do you enjoy a cup of tea in the middle of the afternoon? You'll find you enjoy it even more now, even if you have to juggle your responsibilities to squeeze it in.

Be willing to accept help. Friends, family, hired helpers, hospice staff and volunteers can provide much needed backup. Being open to accepting their help is a gift—to yourself, but also to them. In accepting help, be honest and specific about your needs. Ask someone to run an errand, mow the lawn, bring food, sit with your loved one while you go for a walk or take a nap.

Take time for yourself. A few quiet moments can be renewing. A walk with an old friend can help you keep your perspective. A bath, while someone else cares for your loved one, can ease the aches of body and mind. It is important to make time for yourself and to identify pleasurable activities as a part of the caregiving routine. Try to set a goal of at least one outing per week.

Pay attention to your own physical needs. You may become so busy being a caregiver that you forget about eating properly, getting enough sleep and rest, exercising regularly—the basic building blocks of your own wellness. Healthy frozen dinners, meals prepared by a friend, a nap to offset missed sleep, and a short walk around the block to clear your mind can all play a role in keeping you grounded and giving you the emotional and physical reserves you need.

Practice simple relaxation techniques. Count breaths or focus on pleasant images while sitting in a relaxed state in a quiet place. Try this especially when someone else is providing the patient's care—for example, when a member of the hospice team visits. Don't forget, too, that laughter and keeping your sense of humor are as important as ever.

Renew or reflect upon your own spirituality. If you are part of a faith community or religious tradition, reserve some time each day for taking comfort in your beliefs. If you are not, you may still find renewal and inspiration in meditation, spiritual reflection or readings.

Be gentle with yourself. Remember that you are helping care for your loved one with compassion and skill. Your being there can't change the fact that your loved one is reaching the end of life, but it can fundamentally change the way the person arrives at his or her final days. Taking care of yourself and asking for help is an important part of providing maximum comfort and dignity for your loved one by being there during this time that your presence is so much needed.